We're Not Okay: What every parent needs to know in a world full of drugs, drinking and, gasp! Sex.

With Outline.jpg
With Outline.jpg

We're Not Okay: What every parent needs to know in a world full of drugs, drinking and, gasp! Sex.

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What every parent needs to know in a world full of drugs, drinking and gasp! Sex.

Written from my experience as a Christian "wild child", mother and wife of a recovered addict, I shed light on rebellion and how I was ultimately saved. If you're a Christian parent this short book is one you'll want to read! 

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Introduction

I don’t know if it was reckless love or a creative, wild spirit but something always drew me to the “bad boys”. I thought they were better looking and more fun. I loved the way they smiled at me with mischief in their eyes. They were dangerous and I liked it. Probably because as much as I tried to be, I was not. 

There’s a certain amount of responsibility we have to take for the situations we get ourselves into. 

Most of my young adult life was spent trying to be someone else. I emulated women of grace and class. I admired women who were independent and stylish. I wanted to be one of those women that men chased after because there was just “something” about them that was different. Although I was never the prettiest girl in the room, I did alright. 

As I grew older, I realized I was emulating the wrong person and looking for fulfillment in the wrong things. I wasn’t admiring women of God, I thought they were boring. I admired women of the world because I thought they lived much more exciting lives. 

Throughout the Bible, there are plenty of strong, independent and likely stylish women. Esther comes to mind. Maybe if I had known these women’s stories more intimately, saw them as someone to look up to, my idea of who I was supposed to be might have been different. Living in a world surrounded by worldly influences telling me how I needed to look and what a woman should be like, probably not. 

How I Found “Myself”

I have only a handful of friends but the ones I have are great ones. Each friend is unrelated to the other. I’ll never be a Carrie Bradshaw, out for breakfast with my four best friends who’ve known, loved and supported each other for years but the friends I have are real ones. They’re loyal, honest, mature and I can trust them with anything. They love me for who I am, not who I wanted to be. 

I’ve given up on a lot of artificial relationships over the years. Some may call that, “Finding themselves” but the real key in that common phrase, which we need to acknowledge, is somewhere in there we lost ourselves, to begin with

We lost our true identity in Christ. 

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” 

-Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV)

When it comes to our children, I believe we not only have to acknowledge who they are as we see them but also who God created them to be. It's our job as their parents to help them understand their identity as belonging to the Kingdom of God. Like us, they are the Sons and Daughters of the Living God, fit to receive an inheritance and set apart from the world while still living in it.  

“I will declare the decree: the Lord has said to me, ‘You are My Son, today I have begotten you. Ask of Me, and I will give you the nations for your inheritance, and the ends of the earth for your possession.” 

-Psalm 2:7-8 (NKJV)

When we find our identity in God, we no longer care who we impress. Our adventure with Him is just too exciting! I want to teach my children who they truly are and for them to be excited about it. 

We Have a Big Job to Do

Our children didn’t choose to be our kids but God chose us to be their parents. Our kids don’t often come out being the people we imagined they would be. It can be surprising, “How are they my offspring? That’s got to be your genetics!” [said to spouse]. Despite our best intentions, these small moments of dare I say, disappointment, will inevitably send them down a path where they will lose themselves and have to “find it” later. 

Looking for acceptance in all the wrong places is the beginning of unhappiness for our children. It’s a pain the enemy slips in, to draw kids into a period of “self-discovery”. For many of our kids, the discovery period will include sex, drugs, alcohol and other destructive behaviours. 

Though there are many reasons kids rebel, from my experience there is always a pain that began before the rebellion. That pain is different for everyone. Many times, like in the case of abuse, mental illness or being a victim of bullying, there is nothing we could have done to protect our kids from the pain. 

As parents, we feel it’s our job to keep our children safe but I don’t believe that’s truly the case. I believe we are to teach our children about a relationship. Our children need to understand they have a heavenly Father and cultivate a relationship with Him at a much younger age than ever before. Though this will not shelter them from making mistakes, it will secure their identity for when they do. 

As a kid who did drugs, had sex, put my parents through their own kind of hell and was generally, “Not Okay”; Identity is how I believe I was saved.