Have I quit blogging?

In March 2016, I launched a blog. Technically, I started puttering around in November 2015, but it took me some time to launch.

I didn’t expect the size of my readers to grow to the number it has today. To date, my website has reached over 500,000 people. My courses on boundaries, resources for wives of addiction, and blog posts on topics like divorce, abuse, and marriage have helped many a woman searching for answers at midnight when her husband has not come home (again).

I worked solo for a few years before meeting two women who joined hands with me and we morphed into “Grey Ministries.” It was a more all-encompassing project with a focus on helping wives of addiction and their children more practically in their everyday lives. More ministering, less blogging. You’ve probably heard their names if you’ve been with me over the years. Kara came first. She’s the sweetest Southern girl and she had skills in all the areas I lacked like finances and talking to people. Next came Tania, a budding photographer who also lived in New Jersey. Their friendships became very dear to me.

Kara and Tania weren’t the only women to come alongside the support the cause. Over the years, there have been a number of women who made everything I have accomplished so far possible. I won’t name them all here, but I am grateful for each one. I had a vision of raising up the women I was ministering to. Maybe one day I’d be able to give them careers in helping other women like them. That was the dream, anyway. As the number of volunteers supporting our mission was growing, so was the responsibility. The issues were getting bigger and more complicated, and I felt like God was growing and stretching me as He grew and stretched the ministry. It was an extension of myself; a growth chart I could measure by the number of women who walked through hell and came out the other side stronger.

By 2019, I was really on a roll! I had been teaching my course UnBound Me online (on creating Biblical boundaries) and there were many stories of success from women who had gone through the class. It worked, it really did. It wasn’t that it “fixed” their spouses, but the majority of the women were finding peace by staying close to God as they walked through that difficult time in their lives. That was enough for me. That was a win; for their faith to be strong, for them to have hope for their future. For them to be confident enough to stand up for themselves when they were hurt. I wanted the women who crossed my path to feel validated and learn to trust their intuition- because I lost who I was in my husband’s issues.

Like a weed, self-doubt will spread and grow if you don’t uproot it.

A new chapter begins…

In late 2019, my husband and I felt like we needed to make a decision once and for all about whether we would stay in the USA or try living in Canada. We prayed about it and through an amazing series of events that I’ll tell you one day, our house in New Jersey was sold and we were on our way to Canada. We got the keys to our new home in December 2019 (I know, who moves to Canada in the dead of winter?!) and moved in shortly after the holidays.

I was sure that moving home was going to begin the start of a new, independent life for me. One that I had not yet had since getting married and moving to the states. I planned to start my daughter in daycare, my boys would be at school, and for the first time in almost a decade, I would be able to pursue my career and ministry goals.

Then, the COVID-19 pandemic hit. Suddenly, my kids were home and I was thrust into homeschooling. My husband was working online and took over our basement, where all the kid’s toys were. My work desk became a school desk, and the rhythm I had been working so hard to build was gone. Between the moving boxes and the homeschooling, I stopped teaching my boundaries class online and stopped writing blog posts. I figured, it was only two weeks, right? Two weeks to flatten the curve?

Two years later, the only thing that was flattened was my website traffic and already mediocre income.

Conditional on where you lived, the challenges throughout the pandemic changed as the different countries, provinces, states, and cities all had their own regulations. Depending on the situation at home, the lived experience was different as well. People who previously struggled with their mental health or addiction were hit particularly hard. I felt that though we heard about the effects on mental health, it was easily forgotten about. As were the family members who carried the burden from then until now. There was a time through the pandemic when every week I was seeing two, three, or four people on my newsfeed posting bereavement notices because they had lost a loved one to an overdose or suicide. The dear one they lost is no longer suffering, but the family will carry that burden forward forever. 

I was reflecting on all that had happened the past two years and couldn’t believe how much had transpired once I got thinking about it: Australia burned, elections went crazy, Black Lives Matters protests arose, Brexit actually happened, there was Epstein and all his affiliates, the US Capitol had an insurrection, soldiers fled Afghanistan and the Taliban came back into power, there was the migrant crisis in the USA, Ethiopia had a civil war, Millenials took over TikTok, the Abraham Accords were signed, there was a significant Palestinian-Israeli conflict, many athletes and celebrities died, Prince Harry walked away from being a prince, his brother was accused of being a pedophile, and his father Prince Philip died (seriously, there was a lot of crown activity).

Although I wasn’t writing publicly, I never stopped thinking about you or praying for you.

No One Brings You a Casserole When Your Husband Goes to Rehab

Then there is the matter of the book. Oh, my book. My baby. It’s six years old. I have worked on my book for almost the entire duration that I have been blogging.

Early in 2020, when I still thought we were flattening the curve, I struck a deal with Christian publisher Word Alive Press for my book [read a candid account of my publishing journey here] and felt like things were finally falling into place for me. I was ready for steady. No more chaos, no more struggling, just growing. Eventually, all seeds break through the rocky ground to find the sun, right? Maybe not, but I’ve been learning it’s the trying that counts.

I expected to have my book out by September 2020. Time passed as the delays ensued. Finally, by mid-2021, the book was ready for print. However, there was an unprecedented paper shortage and by January 2022, I still did not have my book. What could even be said about a situation like that? Oy vey! 

The good news was that I had heard my books were set to ship to me on February 14 (how sweet). There also happened to be a Guinness World Book record-breaking transport truck convoy happening across Canada… I kept my hope in check, just in case. 

Am I a storyteller, counsellor, or Bible teacher? Or… none of those?

As my blog’s growth flatlined, I had much time to reflect. When I began blogging, I didn’t expect to be a “teacher” of anything; I was a hairstylist. I had hoped there were other women out there like me. As I found them, I realized, hey, I was pretty good at giving sound advice, which is how the courses on boundaries came to be. But all I initially planned to do was to find other women like me by telling my story.

I was under the impression that bloggers made good money through affiliate links through sites like Amazon. I thought I could write and make money on ads. Ha! How silly and inexperienced I know that was now (but if that’s you, don’t worry, many bloggers begin under that illusion!). I’ve said it many times, but I’ll say it again- the majority of bloggers who make the big bucks are the ones who teach other bloggers how to make an income from blogging! In other words, it’s a scam. Making a livable wage blogging takes very hard work.

Not every blogger begins with the intent to make an income. Some bloggers sincerely want to share or help, others use it as a creative outlet, and some are doing Kingdom work. However, with a husband who has an addiction, working for free is not usually an option. At least, not a wise one. The most obvious route of how to monetize when you’re speaking to a whole lot of women married to addicts is to charge for your advice-giving and become a counsellor or life coach. I contemplated it (more than a few times) but it didn’t feel right to me. I am a writer; an introvert who easily feels drained after too much “peopling.” I enjoy the creative side of blogging more than the one-on-one (no offence!). I was fine to stand back and discern a situation in a group setting, but I didn’t want to become anyone’s single, ongoing support system. 

On the flip-side, the other option was the direction I was headed in, namely, ministry. There was a lot of pressure to become a non-profit, take speaking gigs, and start running an evangelical ministry. I felt that moving more toward Bible teaching and less toward addiction, was a heavy burden. The Bible warns about the weight of teaching the word of God. “Desire to do other things!” is essentially the sentiment (James 3:1). I didn’t want that responsibility and I desired to do many things, anything, other than that. I mean, who was I to teach the Bible? I didn’t have quantifiable experience for that.

I vividly remember one day in the midst of the pandemic when I exploded in the middle of a conversation with my husband, “I didn’t want to become some pastor!” My husband had a hard time with my changing role as well. I wasn't as studious when we got married (to say the least). Though my desire for learning and for faith was always greater than his, I hid that part of myself from him. As the years went on, he was not pleased to suddenly find himself married to someone in ministry. He wanted me to be a realtor.

I could understand my husband's reservations. If I was changing, he had to as well. Or not, but then we would be in wildly different places. But I was standing firm in my conviction. God told me to do something (minister to wives of addiction) and like it or not, it changed who I was.

Much like the parable where Jesus said the only way to be His disciple was to choose to put everyone and everything behind me, I had to pick a path- chase money or follow a calling. Much like our decision to move to Canada, I closed my eyes and refused to waver on the decision. I was prepared to accept wherever the path led no matter how difficult it was.

“If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters—and yes, even his own life—he cannot be My disciple.” Luke 14:26, TLV

I did not want to be a pastor or a teacher, but I did want to be a disciple. I felt the weight of needing to learn on my shoulders because theologically, some of what I believed over the past seven years, I didn’t believe anymore. I was teaching out of necessity, and with that came a lot of responsibility I wasn’t prepared for. Not to mention all the nuances of addiction and relationships. I have learned a lot from speaking to wives since 2016.

The pandemic rules in Canada over the previous two years were always changing. I had some kids at home and some at school. Sometimes, the school would close and they were all home. My husband was home indefinitely until he suddenly had to travel for work, then he was gone for multiple weeks at a time. Our lockdown household felt chaotic and cramped, and to add to that, I’m a neat freak. Like most people, the lockdowns were wearing me down.

I took time. I prayed for guidance. Ironically, I found out what I wanted to do by doing what I didn’t want to do. 

I didn’t want to be a counsellor, I wanted to be a friend. I didn’t want to be a pastor, I wanted to be a student. I didn’t want to be a teacher, I wanted to let others tell their stories. I wanted room to make mistakes. And I realized that I needed to close this chapter before I could go on to a new one. 

What is going to happen to Grey Ministries?

Don’t worry, I’m not closing up shop! But it's time for me to stop blogging (for now). I’m sure that I no longer believe some of what I wrote, but those posts are still helping new women all the time so I won’t erase them. I’ll add “update 100s of old blog posts” to my to-do list!

My smaller course on boundaries, Break Up With Your Bad Boundaries, runs automatically. I’m going to do the same thing with my class UnBound Me (which I’m still working on redoing, and by “working on” I mean, getting around to it) and I’ll no longer teach it as a live class. I may revisit a live version in a different way in the future, but I don’t have a plan. I am grateful and thankful for the time I spent one-on-one with each and every woman who trusted me enough to share their deepest secrets and pain with me, but it’s time for me to turn the page on blogging. 

Most of the Bible studies and resources will remain, though they also need updating. I will remove what I don’t agree with it theologically anymore… ahem… when I get around to it. My story will remain and I will continue to tell it. It’s funny, I wrote this post in January of 2022 but I didn’t share it. Fast-forward, and it’s now August and I finally feel like it’s the right time to close this book.

What will I do next? 

I’m so glad you asked, I have a few big ideas! Waaaaait for it…… I’m not saying yet. But to start, I am back in school at the University of Toronto.

Not to toot my own horn (totally going to do it), but I’m pretty sure my grade is sitting around 98-99%! That’s a big improvement from the B’s, C’s and D’s I got when I was 17 and started clubbing. I mean, went to University where I made new city friends and developed those friendships in places with loud music and Sambuca. (To this day, I hate Sambuca 🤢). I really needed that grade. It makes up for many years of feeling like a total failure.

Thank you for allowing me to shed light on the lives of the Christian women whose partners struggle with addiction. Don’t forget about them. Addiction, which is only a symptom, is the fight of our generation. These families are on the front lines and they receive very little support.

With 56,064 overdoses in the USA in 2019, addiction has only been magnified throughout the COVID-19 pandemic. By 2021, the number of deaths doubled to 100,306.

This is the most recorded drug overdoses in the USA, ever.

The fight we’re in isn’t only against addiction though, it’s our health. It’s finding joy in every day when every day feels hard. In Canada, 1 out of every 2 people currently manage, or have experienced, a battle with their mental health by the time they turn 40. It is a problem that touches everyone. With barriers like the stigma of mental illness, an increase in the cost of living, and the stress on the health industry all being obstacles to receiving help, it’s more important than ever that we support one another.

The Lord is our Helper who is ever-present when we are in need (Psalm 46:1), even when everything is crumbling around us. His love and patience surpass reason, it overflows to those around us and each generation after. He is our lightest burden and most necessary resource when we’re in crisis. He is the relationship we can count on, and the salve to the place where the dream of partnership left a mark. 

As I said in my book, “Of this one thing I am certain, Jesus is the only man who can make our wildest dreams come true.”

For now, you can find me in our Facebook group, Habit or on Instagram just being my normal self.

If you’d like to order a copy of my best-selling book, No One Brings You a Casserole When Your Husband Goes to Rehab, you can order a signed copy below.

I will see you in the next chapter!

Update, 2022

A lot happened this year that I didn’t feel like I should talk about. However, as the year is coming to a close, I feel it’s time I update you on why I ghosted.

My husband and I are no longer married. I won’t be going into details, just that there was an event that caused the divorce. I didn’t feel I had any other choice. There is absolutely zero chance of reconciliation.

I can imagine this will come as a shock to many of you, but the one thing I keep harping on is boundaries. And there’s a point when we must know when to close the door. I regret not closing it sooner. My kids are happier and my home is a lot more peaceful, even with the difficulty that comes with divorce. And me? Well, I feel like I was fading away the past couple of years and I’m finally finding myself again. I feel very lucky to have good friends and family to lean on. I won’t mention them all, but you know who you are.

I have since continued on at the University of Toronto (still killing’ it!) in my copywriting and marketing classes. I started a copywriting business. I’m working in fashion (home and clothing line coming soon! Watch my social!). And I’m starting a… new YouTube channel! I’ll announce it after Christmas.

Basically, every day I’m hustlin’. 😂

I’ll leave the update there for now. It’s very gangster. Peace! ✌️

Leah Grey