A Day in the Life of the Wife of an Addict

A Day in the Life of the Wife of an Addict

How many times have you packed your bags? Collected your children and rode off in a fury of pain and confusion? Lost. Unable to figure out what to do next. When married to someone struggling with an addiction everyday life can be downright traumatic. 

Living a Life Without Boundaries

You wake up and the sun is shining on another beautiful day. The pitter-patter of your children’s feet echoes through the rooms of your home as you stretch and roll over in bed.

One more minute of bliss.

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Dear Diary: Lord, What Can I Do?

Dear Diary: Lord, What Can I Do?

The Grey Diaries is back! 

Looking back, I can see where there is the beginning of a seed of ministry. It's pretty cool because look at where God took this, today! Even in the midst of hard times, He is faithful. 

I know many of you have a desire to go into ministry. Speaking from my own experience, it's a healing experience to share your story with others and see how it helps them. If you're considering ministry and don't know what to do, or you're not ready to go public- please send me an email! hello@leahgrey.com

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(With God!) You Can Overcome Your History of Abuse

(With God!) You Can Overcome Your History of Abuse

I can remember sitting in a women's group hearing the testimony of another woman thinking to myself, "How did she know my story?" As she described the abuse she endured, I became uncomfortable in my seat. Part of me wanted to run out of the meeting and the other part of me felt slightly relieved to know that I was not alone. I had buried the sexual abuse that I had been subjected to and acted as though it had never happened. I often told myself that if I didn't remember it, then it didn't happen. That thinking, unfortunately, did more damage than good both mentally and emotionally.

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What Kind of Abuse is it? Five Traits of a Narcissist

What Kind of Abuse is it? Five Traits of a Narcissist

While it is tempting to equate all kinds of abuse as pretty much the same, narcissistic abuse has a few characteristics outside the boundaries of emotional abuse.  Obviously narcissistic abusers are emotionally abusive, but the goals of a narcissist are significantly different from those of a person who is emotionally abusive.  Knowing the difference is helpful.  Narcissistic abuse requires a different approach to recovery, though the healing path from any kind of abuse is difficult.  

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My First Panic Attack and the Day My Husband Left

My First Panic Attack and the Day My Husband Left

Everything was getting blurry. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen. 

My chest was so heavy. it felt like someone was crushing my chest. It was as if the hand of the enemy was pushing me down. 

I remembered once I had read that if you put your arms up over your head it will help you breath better. I put my arms up as high as I could and went down on my knees. No, it wasn’t helping. I stood up, arms reaching high, maybe I was supposed to be standing? No, that didn’t work either. I sat down, maybe I was supposed to be sitting? It seemed to be getting worse. 

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He's Just Not That Into You[r Marriage]

He's Just Not That Into You[r Marriage]

“So I read this thing the other day…”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah. It was about marriage and it sounded like ours.”

“Mm-hmm.” (eye roll)

“Don’t roll your eyes. It said there are men who avoid intimacy. Intimate conversations, intimate moments, everything to do with intimacy.”

“What? I don’t avoid intimacy, you sexy thing.”

“Sex is a surface thing, that doesn’t count.”

“Hm. Well, I think so. Yes, it’s a surface thing, I guess…” (not listening)

“Gah. Never mind.”

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The Day the Lord Set Me Free from My Marriage

The Day the Lord Set Me Free from My Marriage

Some might think that title is scandalous.  I know that my own fear of divorce kept me from escaping a narcissistic abuser for fourteen years.  Now, seventeen years out from that disaster, my regrets center around not leaving far earlier.  I lived in a lot of denial for years.  One has to cultivate denial in order to survive, much less stay, in a marriage that was as abusive as mine.  And just how abusive it was, did not fully dawn on me until I disclosed, ten years later, details of the torment to my counselor.  The look of horror and grief on her face showed me just how far from normal my first marriage had strayed.

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Want to Know What My Most Important Boundaries Are? Here's One!

Want to Know What My Most Important Boundaries Are? Here's One!

Have you ever broken a boundary- with yourself? 

Tell me if this sounds like you, 

“Okay... today, I’m going to be awesome! I’m going to wake up early, eat something healthier than cereal, do my hair real nice, exercise, be a successful human being and rock my life”. 

And then morning comes. And your bed feels so nice. The covers are warm, you bring out an arm from your nestled cove and the air is cold! Zip! Retreat! 

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Dear Diary: Sail Away With Me

Dear Diary: Sail Away With Me

I am so up and down emotionally. Sometimes, I feel bad for my husband because he has been broken. It's like he's a sinking ship of a human being. It isn’t his fault the ship hit a storm. It's also not his fault he doesn't have the know-how to repair his sinking vessel. On the other hand, he took the children and me onboard as passengers without first disclosing there was a giant hole in the ship. He painted a beautiful, sunny, blissful, dream-like picture of what our cruise would be like. We board the boat and BOOM! The storm hits.

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Mama, Are You Lonely this Mother's Day?

Mama, Are You Lonely this Mother's Day?

Dear Mama,

This is for you. I know this Mother’s Day isn’t the one you hoped for. I know that you feel forgotten and alone. Unappreciated. Possibly even, invisible. Which is why I want you to know that I see you. I see how hard you work behind the scenes to keep that well-oiled machine of a family running (some days, simply squeaking by). I know how much thought, time and effort you put into caring for the ones you love the most. How you think about them, and their well-being all the time, even though it seems that they don’t notice. 

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Have You Ever Wondered, "When is God Going to Bless Me Financially"?

Have You Ever Wondered, "When is God Going to Bless Me Financially"?

There are days when life just seems unfair. Being a Christian is hard and the payoff doesn’t seem to come fast enough. “You’re building your treasure in heaven!” they say or my favourite, “Give ten percent of everything to God and you’ll be blessed financially”. It isn’t that I don’t believe these things, I do. But my wallet? My wallet sometimes loses faith. I sit in church on Sundays and look because “Do I have money today?”… five dollars… six dollars… six dollars and twenty cents. I’ll give it all. Remember the story of the women who gave two cents and gave more than the rich man? I’ll be her. 

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Five Things I Want to Share about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Five Things I Want to Share about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

When I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), I was relieved that there was a name for my nightmare. Though, not all who have been through trauma and know the effects of it feel this way. My husband, who also suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder, was not as pleased as I to receive his diagnosis. My proactive nature read my “label” and determined to do the work for resolution. My husband, however, said he was fine and had more of an, “I won’t think about it and therefore it won’t affect me” approach.

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Truths About a Child's Identity in Who They Want to Be

Truths About a Child's Identity in Who They Want to Be

Lately, I've been talking a lot about children. As a Mom, my kids are really my number one "job". I wouldn't say they're my first priority because God and my husband do come before them (whoops! Sorry kiddos, but God is King and hubby will be around longer than you will!) but regardless, they are extremely important. Part of being a mom in a family affected by addiction means being hyper-sensitive to our children's needs. Not only are our kids dealing with the "normal" aspects of childhood (which is tough enough!) but they're living in a stressful home environment.

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