Ahem... Have You Used Food to Numb Your Emotions?
I'm a food addict. For most of my life, I was a compulsive overeater, a binge eater and an emotional eater. Food was my best friend and my worst enemy.
When Food is Your Everything
I'm not exactly sure when my food obsession began, but looking back at pictures I see I was overweight by the time I was 3 years old. I remember when I was about ten, and my mom left me home alone for the first time. Scared yet excited about this new freedom, I sat on the carpeted floor in our kitchen (carpeted kitchens were a thing in the 80s) crying and eating ice cream out of the container.
By the time I was a teen, I would come home daily from high school and binge on the snacks my mom bought for our lunches. I ate package after package of individually wrapped crackers and cookies. I downed pudding cups 3 and 4 at a time, licking the tops with pleasure. The serving size seemed so tiny compared to my hunger. My favorite was the individual crackers in mini-plastic trays with spreadable cheese. I would eat all the crackers save one, then use the little red spreader to put all the cheese on one marvelous cracker and wolf it down in two gleeful bites.
By the time I was an adult, my food addiction raged out of control and I was more than 100 pounds overweight. I tried all kinds of diets and could successfully lose weight, often losing as much as 40-50 pounds until my resolve wore thin and the weight loss stalled. Soon the pounds crept back on and when they came back they always brought friends, leaving me heavier than ever.
Today, by the grace of God I am healed from my food addiction, and in fact, I run a Christian women's online weight loss program where I help other women find the path to food freedom. If you struggle with food addiction, obsession, or you use food to numb your emotions, keep reading as I share with you how recovery is possible.
Can You Be Addicted to Food?
Can food really be an addiction? After all, food is not a chemical in the same way that an illicit drug is. The answer is yes...and no.
It's true that food is not the same as heroin or alcohol. While there are studies that point to the addictive qualities of sugar, the reality is that I was able to binge on thousands of calories of food yet still safely get in my car and drive my children places.
That's part of the danger of food addiction. It's bad, but it doesn't seem that bad.
Food is an addiction our society happily accepts. Sure, it's not good to be overweight, but with 100 million adults and children in the United States fitting into the obese category, it appears you are in good company. Restaurants offer portions that are 4-5 times a normal serving size and food scientists continue to look for ways to make our foods brighter, bolder in taste, and even aim for the goal of making food addictive (consider the Lay's potato chip wrapper that proudly boasts, "You can't stop at just one!").
True, food addiction is not the same as an addiction to drugs or alcohol. Yet for those of us who live in its grip, the agony is equally real.
Why Food Addiction Recovery is Especially Challenging
You can't abstain from food. While it's true that food addiction does not have some of the immediate consequences or physical drive of other addictions, recovery can be slippery. You can give up heroin, alcohol, porn, or gambling but there's no giving up food.
How many times have you read the advice to "enjoy all foods in moderation"? For those of us with food addictions, that's like telling us to take only a sip of alcohol every day, or a small bit of cocaine. We dabble in our addictive substance at least three times a day, where savoring a chocolate sundae could be a perfectly healthy decision or it could be falling into a binge.
Add to that the fact that each person's body seems to handle food differently makes recovery is all the more tricky. Why can some people eat sugar in moderation while others need to give it up completely? Why does going Keto work wonders for some and make others feel like they are on death's door? There's no easy path to weight loss and food freedom.
Are You Justifying Your Food Decisions?
Before I get into the specifics of how recovery from food addiction is possible (and yes, I promise it is), let's take a moment for all the people reading this article who think this topic is interesting but it isn't their problem.
Have you used food to unwind from stress?
Do you eat cookies or chocolate to take the edge off of painful emotions?
Do you use food as a way to zone out when life just gets to be too much?
All of these are emotional eating, and emotional eating is not okay.
All of us overeat sometimes, even people who are not overweight. Yet for a growing number of people, food has become a crutch and a way of dealing with tough life circumstances.
Are you a weary mom who stands at the kitchen counter zoning out while eating spoonfuls of peanut butter at nap time? Are you the guy who has to have a huge bowl of popcorn (okay 2...maybe three) in front of the TV before bed to unwind? Are you hiding the fact that you sneak into the pantry in the evenings for a few cookies, then a few more, then hide the empty package in the bottom of the garbage can so no one will see?
In all of these situations, you use food to numb an emotion. Anytime you use a substance to fill a void, you are slipping into dangerous territory.
Food addiction may be one of the easiest addictions to justify, but that doesn't mean it's healthy.
The Road to Recovery From Food Addiction
For years, I prayed for God to miraculously heal me of my food addiction. God did grant my request, but my miracle didn't come in the way I wanted. I wanted instantaneous healing. Instead, God healed me the slow, boring way.
My recovery began with therapy. I realized I could endlessly pursue diets, but until I got to the heart of why I used food, I would never succeed in the long run.
After I had been in therapy for a few months, I started a weight loss program that gave me structure and accountability. I needed guidance to show me what eating a healthy amount of food looked like. Bit by bit with emotional and spiritual work, the pounds came off and the binging became less frequent.
Up until this point in my life, I hated exercise. When I was driving and saw people jogging, I thought they were nuts. Who would torture themselves on purpose when there are books by a cozy fire or Netflix available?
Yet as part of my recovery, I became one of the crazy ones. I starting with walking, then jogging, then doing a 5K, then triathlons and even a Half Ironman. Later I discovered martial arts and today I'm a Tae Kwon Do black belt. These pursuits gave me a new life focus I deeply needed.
How to Keep God at the Center of Your Weight Loss and Food Recovery
When I first started losing weight, to be honest I didn't involve God much. I threw a few desperate prayers out there, but overall I figured I had gotten myself into this mess and I needed to get myself out.
Yet, soon enough it became apparent that I couldn't fix this problem on my own. I had to turn to the One who heals all diseases. Recovery happens when we allow in grace and compassion. It's true that overeating is a sin, but it's also true that Jesus died for this, too and we are washed as white as snow.
I've been at my goal weight for over a decade now and my recovery journey continues. When I lead other women on their weight loss journey through our Faithful Finish Lines program, my business partner, Becky (who has also lost 100 pounds) and I focus on teaching women that grace is the bedrock to food freedom. We teach them to take their thoughts captive to obey Christ and how to turn to God when food cravings or the temptation to binge hit.
Is food addiction real? Yes. Is healing possible? Absolutely.
Sara Borgstede
Sara Borgstede is a writer, speaker, and 100 pound weight loss success story. She and her husband, Mike, have 5 children through birth and special needs adoption. When she’s not catching a quick power nap, find her at www.theholymess.com or through her Christian women’s weight loss program, Faithful Finish Lines.
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