I used to think bravery meant fighting for victory. I’d push my way forward, take the leap and conquer my fiercest fears. My bold actions were the “proof” of my courage. And while it’s true that bravery can be found in doing these things, the most recent years of my life have revealed a quieter form of courage. It’s a silent strength that comes in the shape of surrender, something I’ve never been great at.
Read MoreWouldn’t it be great if cleaning out our mind was as easy as cleaning out our closet?
Negative thoughts? Toss ‘em!
Feelings of judgment or hate? See ya!
Resentment? You’re outta here!
While it might not be as easy as throwing a blouse into a donation box, we can decide whether we are going to wear that thought, keep it hanging in the closet for another year or get rid of it.
In my marriage, there have been many ups and downs. I'd love to say there have been more ups than downs but I feel like that may be a lie. But it's not like I have been feeling bad for all these years!
Do you know what I mean?
In addiction circles, they call this, “practicing detachment” which essentially means we aren’t allowing the decisions and actions of others to affect our mood, thoughts and feelings.
I teach a lesson on detachment in my eCourse on how to make good, Godly boundaries. The course, 'UnBound Me', is currently being updated and will be relaunched later in 2018 but today, I’d like to talk more in-depth about detachment.
Read MorePreviously, we talked about making the decision to divorce a spouse struggling with addiction. One of the most devastating realities of addiction is having to let go of a marriage, but sometimes it’s necessary for our survival and their well-being.
Read MoreWeakness.
There is nothing I have ever experienced; not bullying, not divorce, not even addiction, that has made me feel more helpless than a panic attack. There is a moment where the waves of terror take over my body and hold my thoughts captive.
Though I know the panic attacks comes a resurgence of painful memories my body is the piece of me that loses control. In the midst of the attack, I can tell myself, “This isn’t real, it’s going to end, I will be able to breathe, everything is going to be okay” but I cannot convince my body to relax or find breath.
Read MoreEverything was getting blurry. This wasn’t supposed to happen. My chest was heavy, it felt like someone was crushing my chest. It was the hand of the enemy pushing me down.
I remembered once I had read that if you put your arms up over your head it will help you breathe better. I put my arms as high as I could and went down to my knees. No, it wasn’t helping. I stood up, arms reaching high, maybe I was supposed to be standing? No, that didn’t work either. I sat down, it was getting worse.
Read MoreIt was my fear of divorce that kept me from escaping a narcissistic abuser for fourteen years. Now, seventeen years out from that disaster, my regrets center around not leaving far earlier. I lived in a lot of denial for years. One has to cultivate denial in order to survive, much less stay, in a marriage that was as abusive as mine.
Read MoreWhen I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), I was relieved that there was a name for my nightmare. Though, not all who have been through trauma and know the effects of it feel this way. My husband, who also suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder, was not as pleased as I to receive his diagnosis. My proactive nature read my “label” and determined to do the work for resolution. My husband, however, said he was fine and had more of an, “I won’t think about it and therefore it won’t affect me” approach.
Read More"You're not listening to me!”
“No, you don’t understand.”
“Can you put yourself in my shoes for just three [Un-Christian word] seconds?!”
“Ah! Never mind! I don’t even know why I try explaining to you, it’s useless!”
These are the things I find myself saying to my husband over and over again. As he fumbles and bumbles and tries to understand my range of complex emotions stemming from childhood wounds to the scars from our relationship to the present situation. He doesn’t know what to say and I know it.
Read MoreGrowing up, I was one of those bubbly, almost-always happy little girls who found delight in chasing lightning bugs and drinking fresh lemonade on the back deck. I had fear like any child, especially when faced with being apart from my parents overnight, but I tended to live my life cheerful and smiling.
Read MoreGet up, be baptized and wash your sins away.
My husband, my oldest son and I were all baptized on the same day. We also publicly dedicated our one and a half year old to Jesus. It was beautiful.
Why did I get baptized, you ask? Honestly, I've just never done it. This is going to sound really stupid but I didn't want to get wet in front of all those people. I have this hair, you see.... let's say, it was an act of obedience.
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