The recovery process is a rollercoaster.
There’s an expectation that when the addiction stops, so do the issues. Now that the dreaded addiction is gone, your life can go back to normal. The problem is, there is no “normal” anymore. After addiction, your normal is “dysfunctional”. Normal is “messy”. Normal is “chaos”. Normal is “fighting”. Normal is “tension”. Normal is “mistrusting”. Normal is “out of control”.
We’ve all seen the live-action version of the movie, The Grinch? Do you know the part where Cindy Lou Hoo sings “Where Are You Christmas?” It pulls on your heart strings a little because it’s easy to relate. Trials can change who we are as a person and transform our perspective if we allow it.
Read MoreFirst and foremost, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17 NIV) If your friend’s husband is in active addition, this is definitely a time of adversity. This is going to be one of the hardest things she ever goes through. Supporting her and letting her know you’ve got her back is probably the thing she needs the most right now. Don’t just tell her you’re praying for her, but actually do it. Get on your knees and pray that God will give her strength and guidance because she’s going to need it. While you’re at it, pray for her husband too.
Read MoreAfter many years of struggling with an addicted father, our family relationships were on thin ice. For the past few years, my sisters and I completely disagreed on how to deal with my dad while still supporting our mom. I vividly remember fights I had with both of my sisters where they were either really mad with something I did or vice versa. During one of these disagreements with my sister, a question from childhood came to my head that began to guide every decision I made when it came to my father. What would Jesus ACTUALLY do?
Read MoreThe atmosphere of our home is important. In fact, I would encourage any woman reading this to make their home's atmosphere one of their steadfast boundaries and top priorities. The goalpost on personal boundaries can move as we figure out what’s reasonable and what's not or what worked and what didn’t. As far as the home is concerned, it’s best served as a place of refuge. If we have children, this is even more important!
I would bet that if you have a loved one actively addicted to something, you can feel the difference when they’re in the room. I’m sorry to say it, but that’s the enemy at work and entering your home through sin. You wouldn’t knowingly invite the devil in, so why allow him a seat at your table?
Read MoreWeakness.
There is nothing I have ever experienced; not bullying, not divorce, not even addiction, that has made me feel more helpless than a panic attack. There is a moment where the waves of terror take over my body and hold my thoughts captive.
Though I know the panic attacks comes a resurgence of painful memories my body is the piece of me that loses control. In the midst of the attack, I can tell myself, “This isn’t real, it’s going to end, I will be able to breathe, everything is going to be okay” but I cannot convince my body to relax or find breath.
Read MoreWhile it is tempting to equate all kinds of abuse as pretty much the same, narcissistic abuse has a few characteristics outside the boundaries of emotional abuse. Obviously narcissistic abusers are emotionally abusive, but the goals of a narcissist are significantly different from those of a person who is emotionally abusive. Knowing the difference is helpful. Narcissistic abuse requires a different approach to recovery, though the healing path from any kind of abuse is difficult.
Read More“So I read this thing the other day…”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah. It was about marriage and it sounded like ours.”
“Mm-hmm.” (eye roll)
“Don’t roll your eyes. It said there are men who avoid intimacy. Intimate conversations, intimate moments, everything to do with intimacy.”
“What? I don’t avoid intimacy, you sexy thing.”
“Sex is a surface thing, that doesn’t count.”
“Hm. Well, I think so. Yes, it’s a surface thing, I guess…” (not listening)
“Gah. Never mind.”
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