I fell into a marriage with addiction, by fall, I mean, fell head over heels. I didn't want to live a perfect life, and I loved the party. I have always found going to a bar to be more enjoyable than Bible study. When I was first introduced to drugs, I thought they were fantastic. Aside from the fact that my parents were going to kill me, for the first time in my life, I wasn't shrouded in insecurity. The alternative crowd, the everything-in-moderation mentality, the excitement of the rave- it made me feel like I could be myself; darkness and all.

The Brave Work of Waiting

I used to think bravery meant fighting for victory. I’d push my way forward, take the leap and conquer my fiercest fears. My bold actions were the “proof” of my courage. And while it’s true that bravery can be found in doing these things, the most recent years of my life have revealed a quieter form of courage. It’s a silent strength that comes in the shape of surrender, something I’ve never been great at.

5 (Un)Gentle Suggestions on How to Get a Reality Check When You've Romanticized the Past

I have a vivid memory of my mother from my childhood. I think of it often. She's folding laundry in her bedroom, and I'm chattering on about something as she holds out a fitted sheet. We each take our respective corners, create a crease and bend them in neatly while I continue talking. In complete unison, we fold the sheet.

Fresh Fashion: Building a Capsule Wardrobe

I did capsule wardrobes for all my children… while I was supposed to be making one for myself. I did tell you not to do that :) I’m working on my own and started my husband’s capsule as well.

The children’s wardrobes were much easier because theirs needed to only last for a season (not the next twenty years!) but I tried to make sure I had a lot of pieces that would easily transition into the spring and summer and hopefully, will still fit next fall. For my older son, I tried to buy items I thought would last long enough for my younger son to wear them after. That may mean I spent a bit more on some things but that cost can be divided between two children.

Fresh 2019: An Introduction to Minimalism (and how it applies to addiction!)

2019 is the year of FRESH for Grey Ministries. You may have noticed (but probably didn’t) that each year, I’ve adopted a new theme:

2016 was, “Be Still”
2017 was the year of hope
2018 was all about those boundaries
2019 is going to be FRESH! Not fresh like attitude, not the Fresh Prince of Bel Air (I mean, but our lives did get flip-twisted upside down) but fresh as in clean. Fresh air. Fresh smell. Fresh perspective.

The Best (and Worst!) Reasons to Stay Married to an Addict

Previously, we talked about making the decision to divorce a spouse struggling with addiction. One of the most devastating realities of addiction is having to let go of a marriage, but sometimes it’s necessary for our survival and their well-being.

When is the Right Time to Divorce an Addict?

The trouble with addiction is the people who have them are good people. Hurting maybe, but often, still good. At the very least, they’re human beings that we care about or have a history with.

In my experience, those who struggle with addiction are not normally what the media portrays. Yes, there are many people who seem to have walked off the television show, “Intervention” (or need to go on it!) but not all are like that. When it comes to decision-making and laying down boundaries, I always felt like the families of the "severely addicted" had it easy because it's so blatantly obvious their loved one needs to go to treatment. If they won’t go, then they need to be left alone to hit their rock bottom.

As difficult as the process still is, the struggle is clear for all to see.

What Panic Attacks Have Taught Me About Strength

Weakness.

There is nothing I have ever experienced; not bullying, not divorce, not even addiction, that has made me feel more helpless than a panic attack. There is a moment where the waves of terror take over my body and hold my thoughts captive.

Though I know the panic attacks comes a resurgence of painful memories my body is the piece of me that loses control. In the midst of the attack, I can tell myself, “This isn’t real, it’s going to end, I will be able to breathe, everything is going to be okay” but I cannot convince my body to relax or find breath.