The Brave Work of Waiting
I used to think bravery meant fighting for victory. I’d push my way forward, take the leap and conquer my fiercest fears. My bold actions were the “proof” of my courage. And while it’s true that bravery can be found in doing these things, the most recent years of my life have revealed a quieter form of courage. It’s a silent strength that comes in the shape of surrender, something I’ve never been great at.
For me, letting go of dreams or possessions has always been easier than letting go of people. My loved ones are my world. They are part of who I am. And yet, God has allowed conflict with the most important person in my life to demonstrate the power of opening my hands to Him. God asked me to let go of my marriage and instead, do the brave work of waiting.
The Perfect Marriage Storm ⛈️
My husband and I just celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary. When we first met, I was working in women’s ministry and he was studying to be a Christian counselor. You would assume our last decade was filled with constant encouragement and growth, but it wasn’t. While we had many amazing times, it was also extremely hard – beyond our human capacity to fix. My husband grew up with a traumatic past, primarily dealing with neglect and emotional abuse. I came into the relationship with my own set of busted baggage, consisting mainly of fear and intense shame.
The mixture of our past experiences was the perfect recipe for martial pain. As our wounds compounded, cuts ran so deep, there were multiple times I was sure we were done. I researched divorce costs and started making plans to leave. I was ready to give back my ring, walk out the door and not look back. But God, in His kindness, had other plans – if I was willing to let go of mine.
When January 2019 hit, I was exhausted emotionally and physically. I asked God what my word for the year should be and an answer quickly came; miracle.
Nice, I thought. I’m sure I could come up with some ways God could provide a miracle. Physical healing for chronic illnesses in our family? Financial freedom? Would this be the year I’d land a book contract? My mind swirled with possibilities. All except one. I never thought God would answer the prayer I hoped for the most- to fully restore my marriage.
I had been praying for freedom, healing and restoration for my husband since our first date, but I was tired. I tried to forgive, both him and myself, for the destruction we’d done and how it had affected our boys. I attempted to deal with fear and began to give in to the fact that this may be our reality. Glimmers of hope surfaced for bits throughout the years, but a consistent change between us just hadn’t stuck.
I felt helpless, swimming in a sea of overwhelming emotions. Completely at the end of myself, I questioned where God was and why He wasn’t answering. But God was doing more than answering- He was transforming. He was loyal and listening, holding my heart extra close to His. He was determined to heal me and mend my brokenness as I remained in Him. So, I waited.
When Miracles Actually Happen 🙌
Then, on December 13th, God showed up and showed off. A decade’s worth of prayers were answered in a single night as He ushered in the biggest miracle of the year. My husband left for a business trip on a Thursday night and came back a new man. He decided to go to a Christian event instead of the bars for an after-work party. What happened at this gathering can be described as nothing less than life-changing. He encountered the resurrection power of Jesus.
Complete strangers approached my husband, seeing he had come alone, and asked if they could pray for him. In those next moments, as those men prayed for my husband, he felt a release from the trauma, depression and anxiety like he never had before. The love of God broke through years of heartache as he experienced real freedom for the first time. When I called him the morning after, he didn’t sound the same. I asked him how he was and he answered in one word: “different.”
The old was gone. The new had come.
It’s been three months and although it was hard for me to accept at first, God has shown me His healing is true. Yesterday my husband thanked me for praying and believing in a miracle too big for us to answer on our own. He thanked me for trusting God, even when the darkness seemed to be winning. He thanked me for being faithful, and all I could do was think of God’s faithfulness to me. I wanted to leave, but God’s love made me stay.
A New Definition of Bravery 😎
I say all of this because too often we believe bravery should look a certain way. We think the bold actions of our faith outweigh the strength it takes to wait on God and put our expectations in His hands… but it doesn’t.
It takes guts to believe God for His promises. It takes courage to stand up again after you’ve fallen down and raise your hands toward heaven. It isn’t easy to hope for something you don’t yet see. Bravery is found when we wait for hours, months or even years. Courage is seen in when we choose to let go.
The truth is, redemption rarely happens on our timeline, but it always happens on God’s. He is eternally working – forming streams through the desert and forging paths through the fire. Even when our current circumstances do not line up with our hopes and dreams, it doesn’t mean God is stagnant. It doesn’t mean this is the end of our story.
Victory Gets the Final Word✌️
When I was in seminary, I read a quote from Tony Evans that has stuck with me, especially in hard times, “We don’t fight for victory. We fight from it.” Dear Sister, we are already overcomers. We are strong conquerors who stand on the solid ground of the gospel. The cross has already determined who gets the final word and that’s our Jesus. He says it is finished. Bondage. Lies. Past sins and present pain. It is all covered by the blood of our King and in God’s grace, it will be redeemed.
So, stand tall brave friend. Claim victory because it’s already yours. Wait for God’s hand to move because His promises are true. Surrender and stop striving to do it on your own.
We can trust our Creator with the chapters in our stories because He is the author of goodness and supplier of love.
Becky Beresford lives in Huntley, IL and is happily outnumbered by her husband and three wild boys. She is a writer, dreamer, certified life coach and speaker with a Master’s Certificate in Discipleship from Moody Theological Seminary. Becky loves encouraging God’s Daughters to embrace their holy worth and live life fully loved. When she isn’t at the keyboard, you can find her dreaming of sandy beaches, serving mamas in church and hanging with her people. She would love to connect with you online at www.BeckyBeresford.com, where you can grab a FREE copy of the Brave Woman Manifesto: Five Things to Tell Yourself When Life Gets Hard. Feel free to follow her and the weekly Brave Women Series on Facebook | Instagram | Twitter.
READ MORE ABOUT WAITING: