Join Us in Habit (on Facebook!) an Online Community for Women Affected by Addiction
đď¸WAIT! HOLD ON, HOLLYđď¸
Not sure if youâre going to read this blog post or watch the video?
Watch the video if you want to laugh!
Yes, thatâs right. By the name of the title you already know whatâs happening.
Back. To. Facebook.
âWhy?â You ask? Or maybe itâs more like, âI told you so!â Well, thatâs why! Because you told me so. Youâre right!
If youâre reading this for the first time, let me fill you in.
Our Changing Addiction Support Community
For three years, I had a Facebook group with approximately 1600+ women in it. It was a really great group. First we called it," âLive, Love Hopeâ then we called it, âColour Me Happy.â
It was very active (about 94%!), and mainly positive, encouraging, and supportive. But the group was a lot of work to manage, to be honest. And although it doesnât seem like managing a Facebook group would be tough, it was.
Join another addiction group on Facebook and tell me how easy it is to keep that thing happy, positive, and focused on personal healing. Yep. Not easy!
It took a lot of emotional strength, a lot of prayers and a lot of admins for it run smoothly. Even then, things still slipped through the cracks. Some people felt they werenât responded to enough, some people had crazy girlfriends of their husbands joining, some had people trying to privately take advantage of them (yeah! True story!).
On the surface, it was all good but on the backend, it was a lot to manage. Facebook was a love-offering of my time. Day after day, all the advice, the stewarding, the discipleship, the training, all free.
Thatâs well and good for ministers or motivational speakers who are getting paid for their appearances or funded by non-profit but my friends, I was getting no such funding. I tried!
I learned three lessons:
I hate asking people for money when they get nothing in return.
God strongly impressed on my heart not to become a non-profit.
People donât want to donate money to wives of addicts, they want to give money to kids who have cancer and puppies.
I know that last one is super harsh, but itâs the cold reality of the stigma we face (the one we are setting out to change with #lovetrumpsaddiction in 2020! More on that in a minute!).
Most people unaffected by addiction think weâve done something wrong to be in this position; we partied too hard, weâre codependent, mentally unstable, insecure, broke, the list goes on.
You and I know thatâs not even close to being true because our loved ones are not the dirtbags theyâre made out to be in the public eye; They are sons, husbands, brothers, fathers, mothers, sisters, daughters, and wives. And most importantly, we love them. Dearly. Even when they do dirt-baggie-types-of-things and we wanna smack âem a little bit up the side of their not-dirt-baggie-but-oh-so-cute-heads.
Iâm not promoting domestic violence, donât get offended đą.
Nevertheless, I made the decision to become a âtentmakerâ instead of a minister. Simply put, me or women I trust, would create products for the ministry and we would sell those products to fund the ministry and the mission. In modern terms, a social entrepreneurship!
It was working, but it wasnât covering the costs. I had no idea it cost so much money to run a silly little website. I wonât run my entire list of costs off to you, but trust me when I say itâs WAY more than you think.
I spoke to a Christian businessman and a Christian marketing professional who recommended I shut down the Facebook group and open a private community. After much prayer, I decided not to.
Yeah, that wasnât enough to convince me.
In fact, time and time again I was told to stop doing so much for free! But I didnât listen because I thought I was helping⌠until we did UnBound Me live. UnBound Me is our signature class on boundaries, in case you were wondering.
The first time we did the course live, I offered âscholarshipsâ to people who couldnât afford to pay for the class. Donations came in from some amazing people and we had quite a few women who were able to be fully or partially funded to join.
Three more lessons learned:
Those who paid for the class straight out seemed to get the most out of the class.
Some who partially paid for the class also did extremely well and had life-changing revelations.
Those who were admitted for free? Less of a success rate. Not a total loss! Just, less.
Why is that? Because when we pay for something, weâre super invested into it. If I pay you for a class, I want to take that class! But if I was given it for free, I may do it later. Maybe, I forget about it.
The exchange of money did something. When I offered the class the next month, hardly anyone signed up. I believe one person only! I couldnât wrap my head around it.
What happened?! The women who had just taken the class were on fire! Their lives radically changed. Why wasnât anyone joining? We cancelled the class and I figured Iâd try it again in a few months.
The months went by. I read post after post of women asking questions about boundaries. I knew I could help them find a breakthrough, I knew it! But I couldnât get them into the door.
For the next year, I tried to figure it out and couldnât. By the fall, I had given up. My sales were dropping and I didnât make enough to pay for my costs or helpers.
I got a phone call from a woman I know, a Christian blogger who has done very well on the speaker/book writer/radio/everything realm and she told me that she and a few ladies were getting together to create a mastermind group on starting a membership site.
I took my hint. The rest is history.
Closing Down Our Community
Like⌠not for the faint of heart, let me tell you. People were very, very angry. But I had to do what was best for the ministry, and it wasnât for it to shut down for good because I was exhausted and burning the candle on both ends.
Have you ever watched, Never Been Kissed? You know how Julie stands on her porch waiting for the boy to pick her up for prom and then he throws eggs at her and calls her Josie Grosey?
Well, most of my life I have felt exactly like that. I get super excited, get all dressed up, stand on my porch and someone calls me names and throws eggs at me. Iâm not looking for a pity party, itâs Satan. Iâve had plenty of life-wins! My husband is my number 1. Itâs just how I felt.
Out of the 1600+ members, around 110 women joined the new community upon its launch. Today, there are 66 left. Thatâs a 96% drop in community members.
Correction, now there are 63. And one is my mom.
So Many Flaws With the New Platform
The new platform was a hot mess. There werenât any notifications, it was hard to log into, tech trouble, name-changing trouble, not enough people there, not enough responses- you name it.
The new women who had joined and had never been in the Facebook group liked it because they finally had support. But overall, it wasnât good for the community. They much preferred the Facebook group where they were used to the platform and logged in every day anyway.
I read your emails, I have heard your concerns, I understand, back to Facebook we go.
I tried it and I admit, it failed!
But, God Taught Me Something
Even though the new model was flawed, I did realize some valuable thingsâŚ
Another three lessons:
I could do so much more for the ministry if I had an income (and occasional babysitter!).
My heart is still very much in helping women intimately and in crisis. Which means, we need to be able to talk freely in real-time, when they need it.
A paid community, though smaller, created a committed, closer group excited to follow God and find healing.
One Last Thought
I also realized I am not doing enough for divorcees or widows transitioning out of life with addiction.
I am divorced, by the grace of God I am not widowed. A lot of the women who stayed were in one of these two life places and I think itâs important they have a place they feel they belong to while they transition into their new lives.
So, Iâm committing to making sure I provide more for each stage of addiction. Unless youâre a girlfriend, in which case, read this (because I love you).
Very long story short- weâre headed back to Facebook where we will be hosting our paid community for:
Women with loved ones who struggle with addiction
Who have loved ones in addiction recovery
Who are divorced or widowed and need help transitioning into a normal life
Habit, on Facebook!
Iâm sincerely sorry if this move caused you pain or anger. I apologize for hurting you and would love to see you in the new version of our online community.
Colour Me Happy 2.0? Nah.
A NEW Habit. Letâs try this again!
Already in Habit and not sure where to go? Click here to be redirected to the new group!