Hello, I’m Leah Grey.
“The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.”
Picture yourself standing on the edge of a cliff of a tall mountain.
It's dark outside and the earth is quiet. You hear only a few crickets and the wind as it gently whistles through the trees. There is no one around, it's only you and God...
What would you do?
Well, to start, you would be still.
It much harder to do this in our everyday life. Can you be still in your current situation? Can you summon that feeling of peace when things get tough?
It's not easy!
I've found (Through trial and many errors) the best thing to do when someone you love is struggling with addiction is to stop "doing". Be still. Let God.
Stillness is not a personality trait that comes easily to me, especially not when I'm facing a problem. I don't procrastinate, I attack! Which is a great characteristic until you're faced with a problem where the solution is stillness. Wait. Trust God.
It's taken me a long time to learn that being peaceful when things are going badly is possible but what a relief to know if there's nothing I can do, I can just do nothing. Instead of trying to fix things, I trust God to do His thing (Which turns out, IS doing something after all!).
My Natural Reaction to a Problem:
Make a list, prioritizing the more urgent tasks at the top
Work my way through the list from top to bottom
Make phone calls
Make notes on my list
Freak out a little bit and then revert back to my list
Ask for support from family or friends who are in a position to assist in whatever problem I’m attacking and brainstorm solutions
Make more notes on my list. Maybe freak out again.
Proceed through the aforementioned list until I have completed it. Feel successful. All the glory goes to Leah.
When we solve our problems on our own, God doesn't get any glory. He has to give us things we can't do so we know He is the only one who can. God shows us His strength through our weaknesses.
How Do I Know God Shines When We Suck?
A few years ago, I found myself in a situation no amount of list-making would fix. My husband was struggling with a substance addiction he just couldn't quit. To make a long story short, he spiraled out of control. I really thought I was going to lose him either by overdose or suicide. I couldn't fix it. I couldn't fix him. Nothing I did helped and everything I tried to do seemed to only make it worse.
I was frustrated. I was hurt. I was angry. I was lonely. I was scared. I was sad. I was anxious. I was out of ideas. And I was tired. Really, really tired.
Does this sound familiar to you?
If it does, I want you to know there's hope. [Related: Can an Addict Stop Being an Addict?] Let God take over. He can totally fix this. Join our private community below and get support from other women, just like you, while you're on this journey.
Before I gave up control and trusted God, I first tried fixing my husband with a proper strategy:
Don’t argue with Mr. Grey when I think he’s under the influence of drugs
Have a place where he can stay that’s void of all women (if I can manage to convince him to leave)
Have a bag packed for me and the children and a place for us to stay, just in case
Make sure my cellphone is always charged
Clean the house and do laundry daily, look for signs of drugs and cheating (I licked some weird-tasting things off the floor, let me tell you!)
If I find drugs, call his outpatient program treatment coordinator and have her deal with it so I avoid any wrath
Go to couples therapy to “support the recovery” (a.k.a. go to couples therapy and rat him out for every lie he's told that week)
Pray for God to change him. Also, to make him feel really guilty for leaving me home alone all the time with two (sometimes three) little kids. Pray he has a really bad day. No, scratch that, that's not nice. Pray he comes home safe and on time.
Figure out what to do next
Like most well-devised plans, none of mine worked out as planned. Planning on myself and other people just doesn't work. Every time I thought I had everything under control something else would happen and I'd go back to being angry, sad, hurt, frustrated, etc. The only way to, "Fix it" was to surrender control and submit to God's will. I had to learn to plan on God and not on people.
And you know what happened? God fixed me before He fixed my husband and I didn't even think there was anything wrong with me!
It's been a long road for my husband and I (And it's not over yet!) but I'm happy to say that he's successfully rocking recovery. Praise Jesus because my husband is one amazing man!
If you're here and you've found me it's because you're a non-addicted (Or possibly no-longer-addicted) wife, mother, sister, friend or other loved one. If you're like I was, you've been getting (Googling!) all kinds of advice but you still have no idea what to do.
God put an answer to every problem in His Word. I'm here to help you find the path to total recovery and healing for the both of you. [Start by checking out my Bible Study, The Be Still Series and learn how to say, "Goodbye Worry!"]
Your loved one doesn't need to get better for God to heal your pain.
There’s a story from Christian speaker Joyce Meyer that comes to mind (I'm NOT quoting verbatim! If you're interested you can read the article here) where she explains the differences between a chicken and an eagle during a storm. The chicken runs for shelter but the eagle actually faces the eye of the storm and waits for the right time to spread its wings. The eagle rides the momentum of the storm’s currents upward to get to the still, blue, sunshiny sky above the storm where it will fly until the storm has passed. [Read More: How to Get Out of the Storm]
You, my friend, are the eagle. You can rise above and hover over this storm. My favourite part about this analogy of comparing it to a loved one struggling with addiction is that the eagle flies above the storm, meaning, it doesn't run away. If it's possible and safe, let us not abandon our loved ones in their storm [Are you safe? If you're not sure, check out: Signs of Emotional Abuse You Need to Watch For].
"But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." -Isaiah 40:31
Picture yourself as an eagle, perched on the edge of a cliff on a tall mountain.
The sun is warm as it shines down on your majestic crown of feathers. You're the queen of the air. There is silence. A bug flies past your wing. You feel a breeze slowly trickle by, you know it's God. You spread your wings wide and fall. The wind catches you and ushers you into the sunlight...
Be still and know that He is God and while you're at it, enjoy the sunshine.