The majority of pastors I saw through my husband’s addiction suggested I pray, stay faithful, and never give up on my husband. In truth, that advice was without boundaries. Most relationships that don’t use boundaries won’t last.
My husband’s addiction was damaging to my family and my emotional health. Meanwhile, much of the Christian advice I was getting was lacking in Godly wisdom. What’s a girl to do?!
Read MoreThere's no secret that living with an addicted loved one is HARD! There are a thousand complications and nuances that make these relationships different from those we experience with the healthy and free people we love.
Read MoreTwo very different types of marital relationships need to be acknowledged when we're talking about alcohol; the first is a marriage that has not suffered the effects of addiction, the second has.
Before I met my husband, I had been in a few relationships. Ahem. None were like the one with my husband. For the purpose of this article, and so I don't confuse you, let's call them "typical" and "atypical" relationships.
Read MoreI dated my husband for almost 10 years before we married.
Well, on and off but still it was quite a long relationship. When we finally got married in 2010, l was over the moon excited like any new bride would be. But once we started living together I realized he had a few habits that rubbed me the wrong way (and l probably had habits that got to him too, but he never mentioned anything to me).
Read MoreI used to think bravery meant fighting for victory. I’d push my way forward, take the leap and conquer my fiercest fears. My bold actions were the “proof” of my courage. And while it’s true that bravery can be found in doing these things, the most recent years of my life have revealed a quieter form of courage. It’s a silent strength that comes in the shape of surrender, something I’ve never been great at.
Read MoreYes, that’s right. By the name of the title you already know what’s happening.
Back. To. Facebook.
“Why?” You ask? Or maybe it’s more like, “I told you so!” Well, that’s why! Because you told me so. You’re right!
If you’re reading this for the first time, let me fill you in.
Read MoreI’m sure you’ve heard it said that pornography and sex are like drugs. Repeat that sentiment over and over again and you’ll start to believe it’s the same chemistry- but is it really? Or are we lying to ourselves about what's really going on in the brain when it’s high on lust?
Read MoreI have a vivid memory of my mother from my childhood. I think of it often. She's folding laundry in her bedroom, and I'm chattering on about something as she holds out a fitted sheet. We each take our respective corners, create a crease and bend them in neatly while I continue talking. In complete unison, we fold the sheet.
Read MoreWe all know that Valentine’s Day can spark some intense emotions. Some people don’t care at all while others feel deeply saddened and alone. We also know it’s possible to feel alone on Valentine’s Day while married!
In recovery, we are not always feeling romantic. Romantic lovey-dovey feelings can only flourish in a relationship that has trust.
If you are feeling super lovey-dovey but you don’t trust your loved one, might be time to check your feelings! That’s a good indication you’ve gone gaga over someone underserving of your love and attention. That’s not to say they couldn’t be one day, but right now they are not.
Read More"I don't know if I even believe in God."
The words out of my husband's mouth shocked me. He had recently returned home from a faith-based rehab that I "just knew" was going to purge his mind of all things addiction, and turn him into the husband I'd always dreamed of having. To be honest, his admittance made me angry.
Read More"You shouldn't even be alive! How have you still not surrendered to God? Really? You got us to where we are now, and you still think you can fix this on your own?!? Ugh."
You know those people that speak their thoughts and react without even thinking, and even when they do reign in the strength to shut it, the look on their face tells it all? Yeah, that's me. I wear my feelings on my face.
Being submissive is not natural for me. As much as I try to be nice, my nonexistent filter interferes. This is why writing works better; there is a delete button.
"He's not going to boss me around."
"I didn't marry him to be his servant."
Read MoreIn my marriage, there have been many ups and downs. I'd love to say there have been more ups than downs but I feel like that may be a lie. But it's not like I have been feeling bad for all these years!
Do you know what I mean?
In addiction circles, they call this, “practicing detachment” which essentially means we aren’t allowing the decisions and actions of others to affect our mood, thoughts and feelings.
I teach a lesson on detachment in my eCourse on how to make good, Godly boundaries. The course, 'UnBound Me', is currently being updated and will be relaunched later in 2018 but today, I’d like to talk more in-depth about detachment.
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